Watched Movies all Damn Day...

I hate days like this. Nothing to do, but it still seems like I'm wasting my time. Its so very rare I get both days in the weekend off, I feel like I should have made more of my free time. Instead I sat around watching movies. Now Imma sit around telling you about them.

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child.

I was a bit sheltered growing up. Never was allowed to watch horror movies. It sucked as a kid, though now a days I can appreciate my parents being careful. I'm so shocked when I visit a friends house and we watch some gore fest piece of crap and they blissfully allow their impressionable five year old to watch along. The point of this: I didn't catch my first glimpse of Krueger until I was in my early 20's.

Sure, I knew who he was. Every kid did. I knew the basic premise of the movies...and I'm sure if I had seen it as a child I would have been terrified. I have to admit that when I finally braved meeting Mr. Krueger I was sadly disappointed. I purchased and watched the original, and I will admit it was more for the JD factor than anything else. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't this mass of terror that I had been led to believe it would be.

I never bothered to see any of the other "Nightmares".

One day I was browsing the $1 bin at the local Zellers and low and behold: Nightmare 5! Since it was one of the few movies in the bin I'd ever heard of I bought it...and let it sit in my cupboard for over a year. Aging it doesn't help it turns out.

So much like the other NoES, Freddy is attacking kiddos through their dreams. However, some point in #4 this Alice chick beats Freddy and makes it so he can't come back. Freddy, being the clever hunk of man meat he is, finds a loop hole. He can attack again...through Alice's ugly ass creepy unborn child. What follows is basic, classic Krueger killing. Then it ends. What were you expecting?

I have to mention that other than Robert Englund I've never seen a singe one of these actors before. There's good reason: they are all terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Did I mention Alice's kid is super creepy? Also, her father looks like John Turturro (but he isn't).

I would give this a whopping 4/10. But that's pretty generous.

2. PIN

Noisy, creepy Dummy sex. Crazy bother/sister relationship. Nut case parents. Please, don't watch it. You can't get that time back. Go outside. Enjoy the fresh air. Forget I mentioned this movie at all.

So you're still reading this? Defying me? Me? This masterpiece was from the very same $1 that the above classic was from. This one was recommended though. A friend, not a good one obviously (as only an enemy would expose another person to this toxic waste), said I needed to see this. For a whole dollar, I believed her.

I'm not rehashing this. I love weird crap, probably more than the next person, but this is just to...cruddy. The DVD case is nice though. I like the movie poster, it has that classic 80's horror look to it.

Also the Father was on Lost, playing John Locke . Yeah. I only watched the first two seasons of that show though. I wonder what happens to him?

3. Sixteen Candles

I love The Breakfast Club. What child of the 80's doesn't? Seriously, I'll hunt the mofo down and kill him. Sixteen Candles is, unfortunately, not The Breakfast Club. Its still a good movie, very much an important part of the whole "Brat Pack" timeline.

The rundown: Sam (Molly Ringworm..Ringwald!) is super sad! Why, you ask? She has so much going for: awesome 80's garb, girl next door looks and flaming red hair in an ugly boycut! How can she not be walkin' on sunshine?

Turns out Sam's dippy family has forgotten her 16th B-day in favor of her older sisters impending wedding. She's had to give up her bedroom to her nosey grandparents. The most annoying nerd on the planet is stalking her. Also, super hottie Jake Ryan doesn't know she exists. Bummer!

Can we all agree that Ringworm is awful? She is so damn pouty and whiny. How did she enjoy such fame in the 80's? If you were a fan of hers please follow the following instructions:

1. Get a fork
2. Jam in eye

In classic John Hughes fashion, it all works out in the end. Big sis's wedding gets f'ed up, the nerd gets the Hottie Girl and yup, you guessed it- Ringworm gets Hottie Pants.

Where was Bender through all this? I coulda used him.