I must have stopped listening to music mid 2005...

I was watching one of those "Best Of..." shows that was running down the best music of the 2000's. I was having fun, singing and dancing along. Then it hit mid 2000's and suddenly I knew about 1 in 10 songs.

When I watch these lists for the 90's and even the 80's I can sing along with every song. No prob. Has music changed so much, or is it just an age thing? I used to wonder about my parents; how could they only listen to their boring old music, why not listen to the new stuff? Now I understand, its crap. It must be universal: if its not from your generation its total junk.

Whats with all the rappers being "Lil'" this and that?

One of the few things I don't hate: Salt N Peppa

I was in my early teen years when S&P really hit the big time. "Lets Talk About Sex" and"Push It" were already big enough songs, but they were a little in the past. Not that classics such as these could ever loose there fresh flava, but times were changing. I was getting older, S&P were getting sexier (and how could THAT be possible!).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzfo4txaQJA

Let me paint you a picture: its 1991, a pale white string bean 11 year old girl is sitting down to enjoy one of her favorite shows, Blossom. The show goes well, somethings happens, Dad gets mad, big nose cries, fast talking friend shows up. You know. the usual. Then suddenly, for reason that to this very day I can't fathom, two black women invaded Blossoms living room and starting singing about sex. My pure Christian values were shocked right out of my neon yellow socks. Rapping? Sex? Black People? Oh My...

It wasn't until a year or two later, when I was old enough to start watching Much Music with interest that it really hit me, the awesomeness of all things that are S&P. Why? Seven words: Shoop, None of Your Business, Whatta Man. Instant classics.

My 7th grade dances were constantly bopping to these tunes. Everybody was singing them. It was cool, you had to do it. I desperately wanted this album. It was a no-go with my mother though. There was no way she was wasting her money on this kind of garbage. Sadly I lived without until late 2006, when I found it for .50 at a Flea Market. So, yeah, I kinda forgot my love for them for a while, but when I saw it...how could I not lay down those two quarters and own it. I drove all the way home blasting it, my Buick Century shaking with the pure raw vibe of Salt's lyrics, Peppa's manly voice, the other ones...whatever she did.

From what I've learned (by barely looking at all) is that Salt is now uber religious and some sort of Minister? Good for her I guess. Peppa, who I think was in that "Lets live with 10 shitty celebrities" show, looks a lot better than she did back in the day. She's had work done no doubt, as her face no longer looks like it was pounded by a 2x4. She actually seemed pretty decent in that show, but when S&P had their own show she was a total biatch. I'm thinking she was either A) replaced by a Robot, B) Replaced by a Tranny, C) Replaced by a Tranny Robot. No idea to what happened to Mrs. Dash, or Spinderella or whatever she was called.

Join me, relive the early 90's. Lets all Shoop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKaVBVikysw&feature=related

And hey! En Vogue! What the hell happened to these chicks?
I like the one in the overalls, I thought she was pretty when I was young.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-WFNbMohTQ&feature=related

I hate people who don't leash their dogs

Seriously, they piss me right off.

I'm out walking today with my dogs, minding our business as usual when this idiot yellow dog comes charging at us from God knows where. The owner was a good 50 feet away yelling "Come Hercules!" to no avail. I, with my 5 dogs, was desperately trying to keep moving down the road and get away from this beasty beast dog before my beasts ate it.

If you can't control your dog, keep it on leash.

Good God- How do you edit on this thing?

Seriously, anyone know?

I'm in the edit section, but I cannae do it!

Damn computer crashed, almost lost all the earlier snark. Now can't edit it. I'll have to continue my movie reviewing tomorrow.

So:

4. Edward Scissorhands- To Be Continued!

Watched Movies all Damn Day...

I hate days like this. Nothing to do, but it still seems like I'm wasting my time. Its so very rare I get both days in the weekend off, I feel like I should have made more of my free time. Instead I sat around watching movies. Now Imma sit around telling you about them.

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child.

I was a bit sheltered growing up. Never was allowed to watch horror movies. It sucked as a kid, though now a days I can appreciate my parents being careful. I'm so shocked when I visit a friends house and we watch some gore fest piece of crap and they blissfully allow their impressionable five year old to watch along. The point of this: I didn't catch my first glimpse of Krueger until I was in my early 20's.

Sure, I knew who he was. Every kid did. I knew the basic premise of the movies...and I'm sure if I had seen it as a child I would have been terrified. I have to admit that when I finally braved meeting Mr. Krueger I was sadly disappointed. I purchased and watched the original, and I will admit it was more for the JD factor than anything else. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't this mass of terror that I had been led to believe it would be.

I never bothered to see any of the other "Nightmares".

One day I was browsing the $1 bin at the local Zellers and low and behold: Nightmare 5! Since it was one of the few movies in the bin I'd ever heard of I bought it...and let it sit in my cupboard for over a year. Aging it doesn't help it turns out.

So much like the other NoES, Freddy is attacking kiddos through their dreams. However, some point in #4 this Alice chick beats Freddy and makes it so he can't come back. Freddy, being the clever hunk of man meat he is, finds a loop hole. He can attack again...through Alice's ugly ass creepy unborn child. What follows is basic, classic Krueger killing. Then it ends. What were you expecting?

I have to mention that other than Robert Englund I've never seen a singe one of these actors before. There's good reason: they are all terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Did I mention Alice's kid is super creepy? Also, her father looks like John Turturro (but he isn't).

I would give this a whopping 4/10. But that's pretty generous.

2. PIN

Noisy, creepy Dummy sex. Crazy bother/sister relationship. Nut case parents. Please, don't watch it. You can't get that time back. Go outside. Enjoy the fresh air. Forget I mentioned this movie at all.

So you're still reading this? Defying me? Me? This masterpiece was from the very same $1 that the above classic was from. This one was recommended though. A friend, not a good one obviously (as only an enemy would expose another person to this toxic waste), said I needed to see this. For a whole dollar, I believed her.

I'm not rehashing this. I love weird crap, probably more than the next person, but this is just to...cruddy. The DVD case is nice though. I like the movie poster, it has that classic 80's horror look to it.

Also the Father was on Lost, playing John Locke . Yeah. I only watched the first two seasons of that show though. I wonder what happens to him?

3. Sixteen Candles

I love The Breakfast Club. What child of the 80's doesn't? Seriously, I'll hunt the mofo down and kill him. Sixteen Candles is, unfortunately, not The Breakfast Club. Its still a good movie, very much an important part of the whole "Brat Pack" timeline.

The rundown: Sam (Molly Ringworm..Ringwald!) is super sad! Why, you ask? She has so much going for: awesome 80's garb, girl next door looks and flaming red hair in an ugly boycut! How can she not be walkin' on sunshine?

Turns out Sam's dippy family has forgotten her 16th B-day in favor of her older sisters impending wedding. She's had to give up her bedroom to her nosey grandparents. The most annoying nerd on the planet is stalking her. Also, super hottie Jake Ryan doesn't know she exists. Bummer!

Can we all agree that Ringworm is awful? She is so damn pouty and whiny. How did she enjoy such fame in the 80's? If you were a fan of hers please follow the following instructions:

1. Get a fork
2. Jam in eye

In classic John Hughes fashion, it all works out in the end. Big sis's wedding gets f'ed up, the nerd gets the Hottie Girl and yup, you guessed it- Ringworm gets Hottie Pants.

Where was Bender through all this? I coulda used him.

I would totally buy this brand...

Awesome, just awesome.

Someone e-mailed this to me, knowing my love of pirates and periods. And really, doesn't every woman want a tampon that wont "keelhaul" her nethers?

*According to the name on the file the artist is ursulav. All credit goes to her/him for this masterpiece.*

I hate Christmas Parties.

Le Sigh. I made the hugest mistake the other day. I was asked by boss lady if I was coming to the Christmas party and I quickly blurted out a "yes" before I really thought about it. I'm pretty new at this job, and I do really love it, but...

Also, I'm single, and everyone else is bringing a date. I'm going to feel very awkward.

Then I found out we had to do Secret Santa too, which I hate, and I pulled the name of the newest person on staff, who I don't know anything about. Then I also found out that it is extremely formal. No pants for the ladies type formal. Christ. So now while I'm short on money I also have to spend money on a dress and gift.

I had to drag my mom out shopping with me today. Surprisingly I was able to find quite a few dresses I liked in my size, and got a fairly nice black and white dress for $33! However, as I now think back on it, it is sleeveless and I know I'm going to be uncomfortable with my arms totally exposed. I'm also close to (if not the) biggest girl at work, and I feel like I'm going to look like a clown all dressed up.

Why, oh why!

The Fuzzbutts-The Friendless Losers companions in solidarity Part 2.

I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that. ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth

Short of the whole "tailored clothes" thing...meet the gang.

Levon-The Gentle Alpha

My very first dog! Can I even tell you how excited I was! I had been waiting for the moment when I could have my dog my whole life. I'd been working with dogs for years, read every book out there, planned what breed I was going to get and what I would name it. I drove 5 hours, one way, to get him. My family waited at home, excited to meet the "dog". I guess my mom was expecting me to walk in with a cute little Golden Retriever or Labrador puppy. Needless to say they wre a little shocked when I walked through the door with a 3 month old, 40 pound black and tan puppy. A Rottweiler to be exact.

Levon is perfection in dog form. He is handsome, smart and kind. I would trust this dog with my life. He loves everyone, kids, dogs, cats...you name it. He truly is an ambassador for Rottweilers everywhere. Mook.

Daniel- The Velcro Dog

My second dog was not a planned one. A good friend of mine's mother passed away on Easter weekend of 2007, and she was a BYB of German Shepherds. My friend, her brother and sister had to find a place to keep these dogs over the Easter weekend while the shelters were closed. All of the dogs were used to living outside, and most of them were dangerously unsocialized. I agreed to take the smallest of them for the weekend.

Turns out the smallest one was a little mixed breed. One of the Shepherds had an affair with the neighbours Beagle, and Lil'Man was the result. There is a long and complicated story behind him, so I'll pass on it for today. Needless to say, he stayed. I changed his name to Daniel (Dan), and he's been golden ever since.
Loeke- My Old Man

Old dogs, like old shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well." - Bonnie Wilcox 'Old Dogs, Old Friends'





Little Jeanie- Getting better with Age

Jeanie is a small, sausage shaped Beagle x Basset Hound. She was originally from a shelter in Ohio, and was transported up here to a private rescue in Mississauga, and was then adopted by a friend of mine (the same one who's mother owner Daniel). About two weeks after this friend adopted her she committed suicide. In her note she asked me to take care of "Angel", and so dog #4 came into my life. Most people don't know that version of the story, I normally just say she was adopted from a rescue.

She was a horror. She barked non-stop, peed all over the house, destroyed everything and constantly ran away. I have never wanted to kill an animal so much in my life as I did Jeanie in that first year. At some point she calmed down, and at some point I fell in love with her. She's 2.

Bram- Satan Bernard

What is it about these dogs that makes people flock towards them? I have been asked to rent him out for someones family Christmas photos, asked to breed him, asked to sell him and chased down the street by children yelling "Beethoven!". Too bad they haven't seen "Cujo" yet, that is a much better representation of this dog.

I was tricked into taking Bram (then Max) by my friends sister. She was supposed to be working in England on contract for a few months and needed someone to take care of her "little brown and white fluffy puppy". I agreed to do it, as I do a bit of dog-sitting on the side. I had to pick him up at the train station and bring him home. When I arrived there I was not greeted with the little fuzzball I was expecting, but rather an 8 month old maniacal St. Bernard. Two days later I recieved a phone call from her simply stating "He's your problem now". And what a problem he's been. I've had him for over a year now and he's just finally gotten somewhat house trained, he's super agressive and just plain dumb. Despite it all I've grown to love the little booger.

The Fuzzbutts-The Friendless Losers companions in solidarity Part 1.

Ah animals, the best way to have companionship while escaping from actual human interaction. Let me introduce the group. Meet them, love them...or don't, who cares.

Calvin-King of the Cats

Calvin (a.k.a El Nino) was adopted from the Toronto Humane Society way back in 2001, y'know back when they were still considered good and not the evil cesspool of a shelter they are now considered. He is a benevolent and just ruler, keeping the cat kingdom here in line with his sturdy guidance and calm leadership. He is also just plain awesome and the best cat eva! He's 8. He's Black. He's cool!


Hobbes-The Shy Queen

Hobbes is Calvin's litter mate. She holds the place of Queen Cat in the house solely due to Calvin's devotion to her. She is a shy, somewhat terrified cat. Despite the fact she's been with me since she was 8 weeks old and has never seen abuse in her life she still runs in terror when approached and cries like she's being murdered when she is picked up. I love her to death but there are days when I could just ring her throat for being so ridiculous. She is also 8, and is a Domestic Medium hair Brown Tabby with white. The names came from an ex-boyfriend, he hated cats and only agreed to me getting them if he could pick the names.

Blossom-Fatty Fatty Fat Fat

Blossom is a whopping 28 pounds of cat! And she's mean. And and she has extra toes (polydactyl), all the better for scratching you with my dear. I adopted Blossom 2 months after C&H, but she came from the O.S.P.C.A. in Newmarket (which are coincidentally the people who shut down THS). She stomps around the house like an angry hippo, scowling at those her look her way. She's also done a nice job of shredding the wood in most of the doorways in my house. Bitch. She's also 8, and an orange (red, thank you special) tabby. I didn't pick her name, she was already called that and I couldn't come up with a better one for her.

Gizabella- The New Cat

She wasn't meant to be a permanent addition. She was one of many foster cats I've had this year. A little gray thing with four equally little gray things attached to her, she was found in a taped shut box at the side of the road. She had this wonderfully calm demeanor and I've always loved gray cats. When her kittens were old enough to go up for adoption I returned her to work with them, but after a few sleepless night I decided it was time to bring her home. Of course, once freed from her kittens she truly blossomed-into a monster! This might be the neediest kitten I've ever met, definatley the neediest in Ontario, if not the whole of Canada. I've had her for a few weeks now, we'll see how she settles in eventually. She's about 8 months old. So far the only one who can tolerate her is Calvin. She is named after Grizabella the Glamor Cat from ALW's Cats.


Up Next: The Dawgs!

Look-I Blog!

And why should you care? You shouldn't. If you did I would not be a friendless loser would I? I'd have to change everything...

3 years ago I moved to this little po-dunk town I'm currently living. I was offered a job that was just too good to turn down. Well, the actual job was crap, but I liked the $$. So here I am, and here I've been. Some days it still feels like I'm brand new here, I know a few people, have some casual acquaintances, but am pretty much isolated from all knew. Here are just some of the big issues associated with this town:

1. Druggies, druggies everywhere-Seriously, this is a crack town. Coming from a wealthy area where drugs existed for recreation I was shocked to see how they are the life blood of this town. I am not a fan of the drugs, don't do them personally and I barely ever drink.

2. Teenage Pregnancy-Ugh, are there any kids in this town that don't have kids of their own? Doesn't seem like a big deal, doesn't really affect me, right? Wrong-o! I'm pushing 30, childless and plan to stay that way. Every single available dude in this town has a child! And not a really young one I can mold and force into doing my bidding. These damn kids are closing in on teenage-hood themselves.

3. Low Level Education-Which is what comes of having kids young. Sorry anyone I just offended with that. These kids are barely making grade 10 before they have to drop out and flip burgers to support their little accidents.

4. Country Music- Its the sticks, they all love songs about tractors.

5. No Jobs-Which makes me wonder how they all can afford the drugs, kids and Garth Brooks. This is another awesome part of dating in this town. Wanna go for dinner? Sure when my welfare cheque comes in.